Lucas's question
by 866marluxia
Summary: Revised and proofread. Lucas has one particular question in mind for a long time, but dosen't know who to turn to. What's going to happen? Read and review! Contains only little swearing!


It was just an ordinary day inside of Smash Mansion, and Lucas was at the age of self-actualization. He wanted to learn more about the world and the people who live on it. However, there was always one thing that always came to his mind: where babies come from. Little did Lucas know that he would be in for more than he could handle…

Lucas was sitting on the sofa in the living room, which was full tiny black, glass chandeliers and small windows an the walls in the shape of the Smash Brothers symbol. He always wanted to know how babies were mane and where they come from, but he also started to wonder who he should ask, since no one else was around at the time. Just then, Mario walked into the room.

"Lucas, I haven't seen you around here for a long time" Mario said. ""Are you alright?" Maybe I should ask him first Lucas thought as he walked towards Mario. "Hey, Mario. I have something that I want to ask you real quick." "O…k, then what is it" Mario asked him. "It's just… uh…" Lucas sighed. "Well, where do babies come from" he asked in a awkward manner. "WHAAAAAAAAAA" Mario let out a loud shrill that made his skin go from tan to a light pale. His hair standing on end, big eyes, and mouth hanging out wide open . He instantly had a heart attack and fainted. "Are you ok" Lucas asked him, but no response came from the now frozen Mario lying on the floor.

Later on, Lucas saw Fox walking down a hallway and he wanted to ask him his question. "Hey Fox, wait" Lucas called out. "What is it Lucas? Wait, let me guess. Is Toon Link picking on you again" asked Fox. "No, that's not why I want to talk to you. Actually, could you tell me where babies come from?" Fox immediately started to panic. Oh god, what do I do. I can't tell him the truth. If I do, who knows what that'll do to his mind. What to do. What to do. Wait, I know. "Alright Lucas. You see, when two people love each other…" "Love" Lucas interrupted. "Yes Lucas, love. W…Well, when, uh… uuuhhh…" Don't you dare tell the truth. You'll shatter his innocence. "A stork comes along with a baby in its beak and delivers a baby to them. And then…" "Oh Fox, do you think I'm THAT dumb" Lucas said. "A stork can't carry a baby to anyone." Oh no thought Fox. "It would have to be a bird with a stronger beak, like an ostrich or pelican, or a bird like Falco." Lucas thought about what he just said, and then… "Wait, so Falco brings babies to their moms and dads" Lucas asked Fox with a tone of glee. "No no, I didn't mean it lik…" "Oh, thanks Fox. I'm going to see him about this. Byee" Lucas waved back at Fox and started heading for Falco's room on the other side of the mansion. "Wait Lucas, HOLD ON" Fox screamed, but Lucas was too far away to hear him.

Falco on the other hand, had 'other' priorities at the moment besides doing any fighting for that matter. Let's just say that he was 'tied up' at the moment. "Falco, I'm only going to ask you one more time, where did you put my gun" a female voice told him. "Shut up, Samus. If I tell you, you'll just shoot me with it" Falco told her, whom he was being tied with rope and right over a big cauldron filled with boiling water, most likely Kirby's since he was next to Samus. "Looks like I have no choice. Lower the rope Kirby" Samus ordered him. "Good luck bitch, as long as I have my reflector, that water isn't going to hurt me" he said sticking his tongue out. All of a sudden… "Falco, Falco you in there" Lucas shouted as he was knocking loudly on Falco's door. The knocking came as a scare for the bird, as he accidentally dropped his reflector that he was holding into the cauldron. Damn damn DAMN Falco thought to himself. After a few moments later, Lucas thought to himself Maybe he's not in his room. I'll just come back later. Someone else might be able to help me out Lucas started making way down the hall and away from Falco's room. "Hmph, now then, where were we? Oh, yes. What was that you were going to say to me" Samus asked him. Falco started getting nervous. "Y…you…you're very pretty" Falco said nervously. "No use trying to butter me up bird-brain. Lower the rope Kirby" she said as he then started turning the crank, as Falco was closer to the boiling water. "Mommy" Falco shrieked.

Lucas then started walking down the hall and into the library hoping he could find a book on where babies come from, but no luck. He did, however, find Zelda, who was reading in a corner and drinking water. Lucas went up to him. "Hey Zelda!" "What is it" Zelda told him. "Can't you see that I'm reading?" "I want to ask you something: Where to babies come from?" Zelda sighed as she started to get up from her chair. "Ok Lucas. I'll tell you. Please, have a seat" she said as Lucas started to sit in the chair that Zelda was sitting in. "I'm glad you came to me, for a woman's view on this topic will probably make more sense than a guy's. Well, you see Lucas. It all starts like this…"

(20 minutes later)

…"and after 9 months have passed, the little baby fully develops and travels out of the woman's orifice, thus a baby is created Zelda moaned softly to himself. That's pretty much it. Any questions Lucas?" No response, not even a statement from him. "Lucas" Zelda turned around to see Lucas sleeping and snoring on the chair with his mouth open and drooling. "LUCAS" she shouted, which immediately woke him up. "I'm sorry, what?" "Where exactly did I lose you" Zelda asked him. "Hm…" Lucas thought. "At the part when you said something about root beer right?" This only made her mad as he started screaming at him. "Get the hell out of here!" Lucas then walked off into the main chamber right down from the library. He sighed. "Jeez, what crawled under her dress today?"

"So you want to know where babies come from" Snake said to Lucas. "Yeah, I want you to tell me, since nobody else will" Lucas told him. "I see" Snake said. "Well Lucas, allow me to clarify how and where babies come from." "Ok, thank you Snake" Lucas told him. "Whatever. I just figure you're around the age to know. Who better to teach you than myself? Anyways, Lucas, when a man and a woman love each other… oh man how should I put it? Ummm… They have something that is called sexual intercourse." This immediately got Lucas's attention. He started to get a bit confused as Snake went on with his lecture, and with each passing second, Lucas got more and more confused and at the same time freaked out. "You see, women have something called a vagina. Here's a picture of what it looks like" Snake said as he showed him a picture of a vagina using a photo and his giant overhead screen on the wall. "Oh my gosh" Lucas said in disgust. He couldn't believe what we was seeing and hearing. "Peach and Samus are both examples of people with vaginas." No way" Lucas whimpered.

(A few moments later)

"And so, that concludes how and where babies comes from. So remember Lucas, use a condom when the time comes. Probably since you and Ness are close together. God knows where you boys came from" Snake said. Lucas started wailing and running away from him shouting "Oh Snake, I hate you. I hate you!" "Wait Lucas!"

(Meanwhile)

Ness and Pit were at a card game of poker. Both guys doing their best to outwit each other. "Hmm, looks like you're about to meet your match. Take this" Pit slammed his cards on the table, revealing his cards. "A three of a kind" Ness told him. "Not bad, but get a load of this" he placed his cards on the table, resulting in a flush. "Ha ha ha! I win again." "Damn, no fair. You always win" Pit started to pout. Ness then started smirking and rubbing his face in it. "Why you little…" Pit started getting angry. "NEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS! (yes, Lucas is real close friends with Ness) Lucas screamed as he saw him in the lounge where he was in too. "What. What's wrong Lucas? You look like you've seen a ghost." "I'm having the worst day ever" he began to wail. "I wanted to know where babies come from right? So first, I ask Mario about it, but he had a heart attack and fainted. Then I asked Fox about it and he told me something about birds. I tried to find Falco, but he wasn't in his room. Zelda only yelled at me and kicked me out of the library. And then Snake told me these awful, horrible things and also said I needed to wear a condom, since Ness and I are really close together. And he also showed me something called a vagina to me too." Ness's face went completely blank, while Pit just busted out laughing and pounding his fists onto the table.

"SNAKE" Ness shouted as he kicked opened his door. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking" he asked him. "What's this about you telling Lucas where babies cme from and not going near me without protection?" Snake took a moment to think about it. "I just simply meant that you're probably infected with syphilis. That's all." Ness then started to get angry and grabbed his yo-yo. Why you son of a…" he was then cut off. "What? Syphilis? You mean like from Harry Potter" Lucas asked with glee. "You mean Ness is from Harry Potter?" "No. Syphilis…" Snake said. I should tell Toon Link. He'd be pleased to hear that" Lucas said running off. "…not Slytherin" Snake sighed. "I'm sorry Ness, but that kid has problems." "Maybe, he's still young, but I still love him."

(Later)

Ness was hiding in a corner in the hall that Zelda was walking down in. Next to them was a small water fountain. Zelda then passed the corner where Ness was hiding, when all of a sudden, "AAHHHHH" Zelda screamed as she fell face first into the water fountain. She was completely soaked and started to get angry. "Who the hell's idea was this? Whoever you are, you are so dead!" She started to get up from the water when a huge ball of lightning then made its way towards Zelda. She screamed as it went passed her and into the fountain, zapping her and making her hair stand on end. The zap was strong enough, not to kill her, but to knock her out unconscious, as she lied against the fountain. Ness chuckled. "That'll teach you to scream and throw Lucas, you bitch!" Ness started heading back to his room with an evil smile on his face.


End file.
